OMG. I just realized that it is Sunday evening! So much for Flea Market Friday. How on earth could I forget.. oh yah.. now I remember...
The phone rang Friday morning. The caller asked for my husband, who wasn't home. I offered to take a message. The caller, the Hosipce social worker proceeded to ask how my husband was doing with his loss. 'Pops' was his dad. Then asked how his sibling was doing with the loss. First of all, she never even asked who I was. I could have been a child, a baby sitter, heck, I could have been the mistress who didn't leave the house yet! And, she never asked how I was doing either.
Until that point, I'd been doing ok. But that short call seemed to set off a chain of events that started and ended with tears.... for days. How insensitive Ms. Social Worker was. No, she wasn't rude, didn't raise her voice, or speak negatively, I was just shocked that someone with 'training' would not realize that a death affects everyone that person came in contact with. Some more than others. And, sometimes non blood related family can be more involved and caring than actual blood relatives. I spent every day and evening with the man and was so heavily invested ... with several decades of love. He and I got even closer since he moved to town. We were like Frick and Frack, Heckle and Jeckle, 2 peas in a pod.
I was ok when I hung up but as the day moved along, I got more and more upset. Thoughts of Pops transitioned into thoughts of my mom, who I spent every day and night with during her three year battle. I was at the bedside of both when they passed. A lot of thoughts and feelings were dredged up with that phone call and began my several day crying jag.
So, I guess the message is, make sure that you include everyone in your thoughts of happiness or condolence, not just a select few. Your words or lack of can have a definite impact.
I'll start the new year off right with Flea Market Friday. Please join me and share your finds and how you use them with a link that will be found the bottom of the posts.
I just saw this post. So let me say: I am so sorry she was so insensitive. In a way I am glad you were able to get your emotions around such a huge and impactful loss out, but not crazy about HOW that happened. :/
ReplyDeleteEvery death brings up all the ones in the past, I find. I have lost a great many people, and it just seems to work that way. There are people we will miss for the rest of our lives and when another is added to their number, it seems as though the big ones come around again.
Please know how sorry I am for all your losses. It sounds like you were a wonderful daughter and d-i-l and that is a lovely thing.
You are so right Em. Both my MIL and best friend of 20 years passed very unexpectedly last year (I had 8 deaths within 5 months in 2012), so I think those losses got dredged up too. It wears me out and I am now on a mission to abolish rudeness, bullying and insensitivity...
DeleteThank you for your insights and kind words.